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Edges of My Mind
by Tami
Chapter 14
Los Angeles, Hyperion Hotel
When Angel and Spike arrived back at the hotel, Wesley and Cordelia had gone home for the night, and Fred was up in her room. It was a good thing as far as Angel was concerned. After a night such as they had, he’d rip Wesley’s throat out if he saw the former Watcher right now if what Buffy said tonight was true.
It was funny that she spent so much time telling him to stay away from Sunnydale, that they couldn’t see each other anymore when she was the one who kept showing up in his city every time something rubbed her the wrong way. Given the course of his life since he moved to L.A., he could bet he wouldn’t lose his soul these days with anyone. Especially, after the last time he tried it with Darla.
Angel and Spike went up to Spike’s bedroom and into the adjoining bathroom. He had his childe sit on the countertop of the sink. Retrieving the first-aid kit from his room, where he had used it on Spike initially, he returned and set it beside the vampire.
Angel looked over Spike’s injuries. The eye was swollen again, there were cuts on the razor-cheekbone and on his full lips. Buffy didn’t do too much damage before he pulled her off Spike. Soaping up a washcloth, he cleaned the wounds and began to apply the first aid. Granted, his childe was a vampire and wouldn’t need very much of the human medication, but at this point, every little bit helped as far Angel was concerned. He didn’t have enough blood in him for Spike to live off of indefinitely.
“I could leave, you know,” Spike said, “All my presence seems to do is cause trouble for you with your pet humans.”
“Since when do you care how much trouble you cause?” Angel asked. “You live for it.”
“Getting you riled is one thing. What I did to you before . . . before . . .” Spike’s voice trailed off and he continued, “Anyway, I’ll leave, go find Drusilla, we’ll cut a swathe through wherever we end up and I’ll be good as new.”
“You don’t have to leave. I told you that,” Angel pointed out.
“You can’t make me stay,” Spike said indignantly.
Angel dropped his hands to the counter and leaned on his palms as he moved closer to Spike. “I’m not making you do anything. I’m trying to help you by giving you choices. If you think Drusilla can do any better, then be my guest and go find her.” Spike swallowed and the look he gave Angel was akin to a little boy who just had his favorite toy taken away. “If the old pattern holds up, you’ll be the one to take care of her, not the other way around.”
“What about your chums? Am I supposed to keep dodging their constant harassment?” Spike asked angrily.
“No. Let me deal with them,” Angel replied just as irritated and then went off on a tirade as he resumed cleaning the cuts on Spike’s face. “You think you know a guy. I mean he ambushed me while I was trying to help . . . someone a few years ago. But then, he shows up on my doorstep after the Watcher’s Council fired him and I gave him a job. And, how does he repay me? He sends a Slayer after my childe because he doesn’t trust my judgment. Granted, I did fire him last year when I was dealing with other things. But, he had no right to go after you the way he did.”
“Angel,” Spike said mockingly, “I’m touched by your surprising concern over my welfare. But, I can take care of myself.”
Angel stopped. “Then why did you come here after Riley Finn attacked you?”
The lost, hurt expression returned to that perfectly sculpted face. Spike pushed Angel away and jumped down from the sink. Then, he stomped out of the bathroom to the door.
“Spike, where are you going?” Angel asked as he followed him.
“Anywhere but here,” Spike said angrily, not stopping. “I don’t need to be reminded of what happened to me. I know what I did,
what I allowed to happen. I begged you to kill me for disgracing myself with a human. I have vivid nightmares of it, thanks ever so much!”
Angel caught up with him, just as he reached the door. He grabbed Spike’s arm and turned the other vampire around to face him. “Didn’t you fight back when he attacked you? Did you lay there and take it, letting him have what was mine?” Spike refused to look at him, only shaking his head in denial. “Then, you did not allow it to happen.”
Spike was still shaking his head in refutation. “Never touch again.
Dirty; filthy; never be clean
again; can never be clean, always dirty. I’m a dirty, evil, soulless thing, only good for sex, to make her feel alive again.”
Angel shook his head as he listened to Spike’s rambling. “No. No you aren’t. You’re not dirty and you’re not made for her.” He gripped Spike’s arms. “I made you for me. You were never to be used by humans. Do you hear me, Spike?” he asked louder to break through the monotonous babbling.
Spike looked up at his Sire with wild eyes. “I can feel them, Angel.” He dug his fingers into Angel’s upper arms, desperate. “I can still feel their hands on me. Dirty, sweaty . . . in my dreams. When I’m awake, it feels like they’re crawling under my skin.”
Angel felt as if he had to do something. Spike was becoming hysterical. He’d never seen the younger vampire like this before. The demon he knew was confident, with a cocky smile and swagger that made his entire body roll with his movement. This version was lost, scared and trapped.
Angel slowly moved his hand up until his fingers sifted through Spike’s hair as he bent closer and rested his forehead against his childe’s. “Shh, Spike.” The blonde vampire squirmed in his grasp as if he was trying to shake off something that was crawling on him. “Spike! There’s nothing there! You’re a vampire, nothing can hurt you!” Angel thought about that for a moment and amended, “Short of sunlight, stakes, holy water and decapitation.”
“Angel, please!” Spike beseeched, ignoring his Sire.
Not knowing what else to do, Angel moved his hand up and tugged on Spike’s hair, tilting his head back and kissed him. Angel removed his other hand from Spike’s arm and grabbed his waist. He pulled the other vampire against him, he pressed forward until he vaguely heard Spike’s back hit the door.
Spike slowly quieted when he felt the hard wood surface against his back and the cool muscle against his torso. There was nothing hot, sweaty . . . or human . . . about his Sire. For now, he was safe from the acrid scent of mortals. The only pleasant fragrance from a human anymore was their fear and the taste of their blood. Riley Finn destroyed everything else for him.
At that moment, all thought ceased and Spike melted against Angel as the elder vampire’s tongue slipped past his lips to explore his mouth. His Sire picked him up and moved over to Drusilla’s bed. Climbing onto the mattress, Angel lay down with Spike, never breaking the kiss.
Angel moved a hand down Spike’s chest to his waist and pulled the shirt away from the jeans. Then, he tugged the button open and worked the zipper down. Only when he finally had his hand around his boy’s erection, did he start to brush kisses along the wounded cheekbone.
Spike stiffened under Angel. He knew his Sire was trying to help, but he didn’t know if he could do this. He shouldn’t be responding like this. What did it say about him when he arched wantonly into Angel’s touch? Was he any better than what Buffy accused him of being: a dead, evil, soulless thing? Spike willed his body not to react to Angel, but it turned traitor and refused. His thoughts jumbled. Half of him wanted to get as far away from his Sire as physically possible. The other half wanted to drown in the sensations Angel was eliciting.
“Just let go, Spike. Let me help you feel again.” Spike heard Angel’s whisper.
God, I can’t do this! I am no better than Buffy. “No!” Spike said
aloud as he tried to twist away from his Sire. “I’m not her! I don’t want to be like her! I won’t use you. Let me go, Angel.”
“I swear I’m going to kill her the next time I see her,” Angel said, his voice barely audible to Spike who was trying to move away. “Stop!”
The Sire-tone he used halted Spike’s movements and the younger vampire watched him warily.
“Calm down, you have nothing to worry about. You aren’t using me. I want you, too,” Angel assured him. He took his childe’s hand and moved it down over the bulge in his pants. “See?” He held Spike’s hand over his erection and waited for his boy’s reaction.
Spike tried to lie rigidly under Angel, but his hand tightened around the shaft and stroked his Sire through the material. Angel stroked him at the same pace as he watched his boy’s eyes close and felt his hips thrust up against his fist.
When he saw tears trickle from under the blonde’s eyelashes, Angel asked, “Am I hurting you?” Spike swallowed and shook his head in denial. “What do you feel, Spike?”
“Don’t start with the touchy-feely Oprah Winfrey human interest stuff,” Spike scoffed angrily.
“Damn it, Spike, save the attitude for the team outside the door. In this room, we are just two vampires, Sire and childe. I’m not interested in humans, I’m interested in you,” Angel said brusquely. “Now, tell me what you feel.”
“I feel your hand on my dick,” Spike answered.
Angel ran his tongue over his childe’s cheekbone and up to the temple near his bruised eye. Spike leaned into the touch, then caught himself and jerked away. His hand tightened on Angel’s erection and he received a groan with a reciprocal squeeze to his own.
“I can smell your anxiety, my boy,” Angel whispered near his ear. “You know better than to let someone scent your fear. Let’s see if we can get rid of that, hmm?”
Angel stroked Spike faster, tightening his grip until the younger vampire could do nothing but respond and thrust his hips up. He encouraged his childe with whispered nonsensical words, telling Spike how much he wanted him, how much he desired him, how beautiful he was when Angelus took William for the first time, before the blood and pain had defined their relationship.
Spike tried to stay focused on what his Sire was doing to him. He remembered his time with Angelus. He knew it wasn’t all sweetness and roses. He never expected anything other than what his Sire was. From all Angelus taught him, Spike knew how to derive pleasure from anything his elder did to him. There were . . . softer moments . . . but, for the most part, Angelus was a bastard. However, having the man who turned you into a demon, shape that demon was different from what Buffy and Riley did to him.
“Spike,” Angel’s voice broke through his thoughts as he continued to stroke the hard shaft in his hand. “Whatever you’re thinking, quit. Let go of it. I’m not Angelus; I’m not going to hurt you.”
Angel released his hold, moved his hand lower to pull the jeans down and massage the sacs, teasing the perineum with his fingers. Spike whimpered and rocked his hips to maneuver Angel where he wanted him.
“No,” Angel said softly. He released the sacs and grabbed Spike’s hand, moving it down to replace his hand. Then, he went back to massaging the balls, eliciting a whimper from his childe. “Stroke yourself.”
Spike was stiff as a board when Angel slid his fingers against his tight anus. He circled it with his fingers teasing the sensitive nerves there. Spike gave a strangled whimper as if he was suppressing his reaction.
Angel gnashed his teeth in frustration. Spike was blocking any sensation and closing down. He was nothing like William or the way he was in the early days. This version of his childe was beaten down, but not yet broken. Angel’s lips quirked up at that. Nothing could break his boy. Angelus spent 20 years trying to do it. Riley and Buffy apparently attempted to break him, but Spike was trying to get back to the way he was. Angel just had to make sure he didn’t isolate his emotions. Spike was an open book when it came to what he felt and thought. He had to get him to feel again.
“You have to relax,” Angel said softly.
“You relax, bloody git. I can’t do this!” Spike growled, blinking away angry tears.
“Yes, you can. You’ve got to loosen up. You stay tense like this and you’ll get muscle cramps,” Angel said. He moved to better see Spike’s face, look him in the eyes and asked, “Do you trust me?”
“About as far as I can throw you,” Spike sneered.
Angel chuckled. “That’s pretty far then.”
“Doubt it with all the pig’s blood you drink,” Spike scoffed.
“Hey! I work out! What do you think the training area in the basement was for?”
“Is that what you call the bat cave?” Spike asked.
Angel smirked. The blonde vampire was starting to
relax, finally. The tension was no longer pouring
off him in waves. Angel rubbed his fingertips over the sensitive ring of muscle and watched as Spike tentatively stroked himself. When he was sure Spike would be fine, he slipped a couple of fingers inside and searched out his boy’s pleasure point.
Angel found it and brushed his fingers against it as he asked, “Now, what do you feel?”
“Your bloody mammoth fingers probing me,” Spike answered through clenched teeth.
“You don’t feel a thrill in the pit of your stomach, nothing? Come on, Spike. Try to relax. Remember the things you let Angelus do to you, after he found out what you liked the most. Only remove the pain and blood,” Angel urged.
“Kinda hard to do that, it’d be like taking the spots off a leopard,” Spike said.
“I know. What made him different? What made me different than Riley?” Angel asked.
“You’re my Sire,” Spike’s breath caught then.
“Lots of vampires loathe their Sire,” Angel countered.
“Never hated you, hated the way you punished me, the way you used Drusilla against me, but I didn’t hate you.” Spike groaned and squeezed his erection as he pressed down on Angel’s fingers.
“Well, that’s good to know. I’ll try to remember that the next time you’re hell bent on killing me,” Angel teased.
“You deserved those hot pokers,” Spike growled as he rocked between his stroking hand and Angel’s fingers.
“You still weren’t the one to wield them, so you couldn’t have been too angry with me. You never did have the stomach for a good bout of torture, my boy,” Angel commented as he continued to tease Spike’s prostate.
“I was more into the fist and fangs of a good fight, not the artistry of your physical and mental torment that lasted for days and weeks.” Spike writhed as the slow burn started in his groin. He didn’t dare hope that it was anything more than phantom twinges invoked by old memories.
When he closed his eyes against it, Angel noticed the reaction. “What are you feeling, Spike?”
“Nothing, I--” Spike started to deny it, but stopped. He could tell Buffy tales of his turning, tell her that he despised Angel with every fiber of his being, but he couldn’t lie to his Sire. “It’s probably nothing, just my imagination.”
“What do you want me to do?” Angel asked quietly.
“Relieve me of the memories would be good,” Spike quipped.
“Would that I could,” he replied. “Will it help if I was inside you?” When Spike tensed again at the idea of someone inside him, violating him again, Angel sighed. “You have to give me something; I don’t know what else to do.”
“I want to . . . I’m trying, Angel,” Spike said.
“I know,” Angel agreed. Then, he got an idea. If it were anyone else, he would never think of doing this, but it was his last resort. He carefully removed his fingers and instructed Spike, “Turn over on your stomach.”
Spike watched him warily as he complied. He tensed up when he felt Angel’s body move closer. The elder vampire sat on his knees behind him and helped him change position with his head on the pillow and his ass in the air.
“What are you doing?” Spike asked apprehensively.
Angel tugged the jeans down lower as he whispered, “Trust me, Spike. You’ll enjoy this; just let me take care of you.”
The blonde vampire felt uneasy but said nothing as he felt the
feather light touches of his Sire’s tongue on his puckered hole.
He felt his muscles begin to relax then. Angel slowly licked
around the opening and started
gently to work his tongue inside Spike’s body where the tight ring held him firm.
Spike slowly began to realize that he could cope with this penetration. It was like no other he had felt. He gave a shudder of pleasure as the soft, moist tongue moved inside him, only to tense up at the intrusion. Spike gave an involuntary moan when Angel found his prostate. He slumped in defeat at his reaction as Angel extracted himself and leaned back, pleased to have brought out any sort of pleasurable reaction to sex.
When he felt Angel pull away, he glanced over his shoulder and asked, “Why did you stop?”
Angel chuckled. “I told you that you would enjoy it.”
Spike closed his eyes when he requested, “More.”
“More of what?” Angel asked.
“Your tongue. Please don’t make me beg, I was never good at it,” Spike said, his eyes still closed.
Angel ran his tongue along Spike’s tailbone and up his spine, feeling his childe shudder again. He stopped his ascent when his open fly brushed against Spike’s ass and the younger vampire went rigid again. Draping himself over Spike’s back, Angel buried his face in the
curve of his neck and licked the bite marks he had put there to renew the Sire-claim. He ran his tongue up to Spike’s ear as he reached down to wrap his fingers around the blonde’s erection.
“I thought you said you trusted me,” Angel whispered.
“I said I trusted you about as far as I could throw you,” Spike corrected.
The dark vampire started stroking the shaft. “I can make you want it. I could use all those seductive moves I taught you and sooner or later I’ll have you craving my touch again.”
Spike shuddered at the words. A few things
kept him from throwing Angel clear across the room. He was his Sire, he wasn’t human and as much as his psyche denied it, Spike wanted him. Angel was able to wring a few responses out of him tonight, though he was reluctant.
Angel felt the younger vampire shift, rocking his body back against his open fly in small movements and then forward to thrust his erection into his hand. He encouraged Spike by squeezing the shaft lightly at regular intervals, hearing him groan as if he was hesitant to respond.
“Don’t hold back. You’re doing so well,” Angel encouraged.
Spike shuddered at the whispered words coupled with the feel of Angel’s hard cock pressing against his ass. He moaned louder as he pressed back, grinding against it. Spike pressed his face into the pillow, hiding tears brought on by his strained emotions as he imagined the way Angel felt sliding into him.
Angel was aware of Spike thrusting back in opposition to him and pushed forward, rubbing the length of his shaft against the quivering hole. He didn’t penetrate Spike’s body, only rubbed off against him.
“I want – I can’t,” Spike stammered, his body quaking with the need for release and pent up emotion.
“Shh, all you have to do is feel it, ride it out,” Angel said quietly.
He moved a hand down and slipped two fingers into Spike, gently stretching him as he located and teased the bundle of nerves again. A hoarse cry was wrenched out of Spike’s throat when Angel’s touch sent him spiraling over the precipice of an orgasm filled with the bitterness he felt toward humans.
Exhausted at the emotional events of the night, Spike collapsed on the bed as his Sire carefully extracted his fingers and lay beside him. As Angel relaxed with Spike pressed
against him, his thoughts shifted to what happened with Buffy earlier and what brought her to L.A. Anyone who had a hand in harming Spike will pay, including Wesley. I cannot tolerate such lack of trust.
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